Dec 17 2008
Can Your Marriage Be Saved? Chapter 5
Chapter 5 Steps to Restoration
FIRST LOVE
Go back to your first love, or begin having a romance with your spouse (make time; have a date night; dress up for your spouse)”
My best advice is to follow what God commanded His church to do in the book of Revelation, but apply it to marriage: “Return to your first love”. I had to begin to recall the fun times we had early on in dating, and all the good things that my husband does do. I had to remember that he is a good provider, a good father, that he is funny and enjoys giving me the gifts that he knows I would like. And through that effort of remembering and focusing on the goodness of my husband instead of his faults (and he still has some) I began again to feel love for him. I made the choice to “love” my husband. Love as defined by the Bible in Corinthians 13, that is true love! And now I so strongly can feel LOVE for my husband. God did restore those feelings, but only after I made the choice to love him and work towards doing that.
Some couples never had the romance and a good relationship before getting married. Now is the time that you really need to “begin” a relationship with each other. To Kindle instead of re-kindle excitement and love in your marriage. Intimacy and the desire for it will come after the emotional attachments and feelings of love come, for women. It is mental before it is physical for us it seems. I like to tell Carl I can’t just jump into sex, I have to ease into it, like easing into a pool verses jumping in fully dressed.
I wish I had known God’s instruction for those that choose divorce so if I had made another choice I would have really known the consequence which is found in Corinthians 7: 10-11 And unto the married, I command, not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. “As the years have past and God has changed both of us, we have the most incredible, strong, romantic marriage imaginable. We love to spend time together just talking. We go on a date every week, we have a romantic bedroom he made for us with candles, and music and lotion. Carl romances me with his words, and gifts, and his help around the house all the time, and I have learned to respond romantically and passionately to him. We are the best of friends and continue to become closer and more in love with each other year after year. All this is because of our being willing to reconcile our marriage, to value our children and to honor God, by honoring the vows we made before him. It has been 11 years come January 26 th ,2008 it is an anniversary that we celebrate with more reverence than the one we were married on.
GET ENCOURAGED
Sometimes it may seem hard to go to church because you have walked in sin or have such negative feelings about your spouse you are feeling you would be a hypocrite, but the truth is every person that walks in church has some measure of hypocrisy about them and some where there is sin in their life. If only those without sin or hypocrisy came, it would be a very tiny gathering (rather non-existent) those with hurts and sins would not get the encouragement they need to repent and the strength to do the right thing. It is the Word that gives life and has the power to change us and an excellent place to get that edification, encouragement and reproof is in the church. AMEN?
IS CHURCH DISCIPLINE NECESSARY?
It maybe necessary in marriages where there is abuse or adultery to go to the church leaders to confront the spouse, the New Testament is clear in the need for having the church practice godly discipline, which is not your place if you are the wife, but certainly the church’s place. We had a pastor come stay at our house for two days, as he was the driver for one of our daughter’s trips. He found out his daughter was being abused be her new husband. He brought his daughter home and roughed up the son in law, he talked about giving him a little godly lovin’. They did work it out and he did change and she moved back home later, as I recall. However, he did protect his child as both a father and church leader. He also told the boy he would be back again if necessary.
Try and choose male leaders or female pillars of the church that you feel comfortable and close enough to ask them some to help you confront your spouse about the behavior. Pray about it…but just within the last 4 months I prayed with a friend on our street that her abusive ex-husband (but reconciling) would be taken out of the home by God since she believed it was not her place to kick him out. But he too was verbally and mentally abusive and using drugs and alcohol. Sure enough within a week or two, he moved out on a Sunday morning. It has been three months; he is again paying child support, but still using drugs and alcohol and has not moved back in. He has asked twice and she ignored the comments so he dropped it. There is peace and safety once again in her home and they no longer feel like they are walking on eggshells everyday!
Paul instructs the church to kick some one out of it, to not eat or fellowship with a person who calls himself a Christian and is in unrepentant sin! Shocking huh? But that is what Paul preaches; I think there is so much abuse and sin in the church because we don’t do that in the Body. Instead, we look away and ignore it just like Paul rebuked the church in
Corinth! A little leaven leavens the whole bunch.
Matthew 18: 15-17
1 Cor 5:11-13 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a
fornicator, or covetous, of an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.
I Tim 6:3-5 If any man teach otherwise, and consent not to wholesome words, the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which is according to godliness…from such withdraw thyself.
II Tim 3:1-5 This know also that in that last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers….Having a form of godliness (our religion) but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
Titus 3:10 A man that is a heretic (believing that their own “beliefs” truth above what God’s word actually says) after the first and second admonition reject.
II Thess 3:6 Now we command you brethren, in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.
II Thess 3:14-15, And if any man not obey our word by this epistle, note that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet count him not as an enemy, but admonish as a brother.
I Thess 5:14 Now we exhort you brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all.
Titus 1:10-14 For there are many unruly and vain talkers and deceivers, especially they of the circumcision. Whose mouths must be stopped, who subvert whole houses, teachings things which they ought not, for filthy lucre’s sake. ..This witness is true, Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith.
Don’t give up for in due season you shall reap if you faint not
Reconciling was not easy but it has been worth it! For my husband, our children, and myself it has been an incredible testimony that we have shared with other couples over the years to encourage them to reconcile and obtain the best God has designed for marriage.
